Road Rage and Restaurant Rage

LITERATURE OUT LOUD

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That melodic tune must mean it’s time for another episode of philosophy by Markus Tenacious Noggin.

I'm like a bulldog; I won't let go.  That might be why my mamma named me Markus Tenacious Noggin.

MT Noggin at yer service.

Road and Restaurant Rag

I appreciate the road workers keepin' me up to date.  There's always a sign here and there that says "Road Work Ahead".  I like to know that the road works, but I don't know if I need so many signs tellin' me.  It seems like a waste of tax payer money, usually, the roads don't work so well every time I see one of those "Road Work Ahead"  signs.

I do have a bit of the arthuritis, and it seems like these same shovel crews are worried about me checkin' that my shoulder works.  I don't know if I need a sign tellin' me check my shoulder.  Shoulder work ahead?  Whose business is that?

And even though I am a good God fearin' Christian man, I think there is a line that needs to be drawn between church and state.  I have recently become aware of the road crews promotin' Christianity, and you know it's only a matter of time before one of these other religions complains, and then those signs are going to have to come down.  You've seen those signs I'm talkin' about; "Look up and live."

It's just another promotion of religion, and like I said, I am a Sundy go to meeting kind of guy but "Look up and live?"  It's just gonna cause problems, or you can't call me MT Noggin.

Those asphalt jockeys are gettin' pretty smart about it, too, puttin' those "Look up and live" signs right under those high power electrical wires.  Very, very subtile.

And those deer crossin' signs.  At least nowadays the deer on the signs look like deer.  Back in the good old days, I remember lookin' at those deer signs and wondering who drew it.  Cause it looked like a dog with horns, not a deer.

I just hope these new signs work better than the old ones, cause if the deer on the sign don't look like a deer, how are those deer gonna know where to cross?

We may have just caused more senseless deer casualties cause they were looking at a sign wondering if this is the right place for deer to cross, or is it a place for dogs with horns?

I just think it is a humanitarian thing to do, you know.  Puttin' those signs up so the deer know where to cross.  It just shows what kind 'a carin' people live here in the US of A.

But don't get me started about those "Fallin' Rocks" signs.  Why would you put those near roads?

Oh also, I jist wanna take this opportunity to apoleegize to the waiter I was rude to yisterday.  I'm usually a pleasant kinda person, but when my back gets up, watch out!

I don't know what was in my craw that made me complain in no uncertain terms that I was not pleased by being made to wait fer a seat at that fancy restaurant yisterday.

It may have been the fact that I am a pretty ornery lookin' fellow, with my wild whiskers and crazy hair.  I do look a sight, and I'm not the kind of person most people want to see at an upscale feedbag place.  I'm kinda surprized they didn't stick me in the back corner, which has been done to me before.

After I calmed down, I felt bad, so I wound up leavin' a really good tip, but that still don't mean I shoulda been rude.

Sorry, Mr. Matra-dee.  Sometimes even MT Noggin puts on airs.  But the real message here is you can't judge a book by it's cover.  I may look like a crusty ole coot, and sometimes my manners ain't the best, but I gave that waiter the best bump he had all day -- probably a thirty-percent tip.  Those table waitin' people deserve it, puttin up with all the nonsense us uppity people dish out.

But don't be judging us scroungy lookin' sorts.  All one summer when I was especially hairy-faced and wild-lookin', I couldn't get no good service nowhere.  People would ignore me, hopin' I was going away, but I jist stood my ground, waitin' for them to do their job, which was to serve me.

The worst place was those convenience stores.  I couldn't walk up and down an aisle without havin' someone on my tail wonderin' what I was gettin' ready to steal.

The sad part about this whole tale is that the community as a whole is a God-fearin', Jesus-lovin' people.  They want everybody to know that Jesus loves them, but he might not love you if you have a scroungy beard or uncombed hair.

Makes you wonder what kind of service Jesus would git around here if he came back and wanted a seat in an upscale place.

They'd probly make him wear shoes, and a tie.  Come to think of it, if he went to church, he probly wouldn't git in the  door, 'specily if he was wearin' sandals.

Mares eat oats

And does eat oats

And little lambs eat ivy

A kid’ll eat ivy too

Wouldn’t you?

Whistling

Jist remember, you heard it here first from MT Noggin.

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