Episodes
Monday May 27, 2013
Not Over The Hill
Monday May 27, 2013
Monday May 27, 2013
Up the hill. Over the hill. Down the hill.
I've been up the hill. I'm over the hill. I'm not ready to go down the hill, but I guess that's where I am headed. Today I found out I'll be running in my fifth St. George Marathon. I wanted to run this year because I turned fifty-five, but I don't feel that old.
The first time I ran the marathon I was probably thirty-six or seven. I was celebrating my wife's cancer victory; I figured if she could survive cancer, I could run a marathon. It wasn't a stellar performance, but for a guy who didn't think he could run a mile until he was twenty-five, it was a pretty fun four-and-one-half hours.
That's right. Even though the winners were done in just over two hours, I was still running two hours later. But that was fine with me. It was the most amazing feeling of accomplishment. Surging with endorphins and totally exhausted, I felt on top of the world. But I must have looked pretty ragged, because as I leaned against a tree in the park in the center of St. George, a lady walked up and asked me if I needed to go to the hospital.
I had just jogged, plodded, ran and walked twenty-six point two miles. What should I look like? I felt like an Olympian God ready to send lightning bolts from my fingertips. But I bet I looked like a sweaty, exhausted mess.
It was a long journey from not being able to run a mile to finishing a marathon, and just like everything else I've done in my life, it just takes putting one foot in front of the other and not stopping. It sounds hackneyed and trite but it's true. Just don't stop.
The St. George Marathon is an amazing, exhilarating race where it seems the entire city turns out to cheer every runner for every step. As a celebration for my luck in the lottery to decide who gets to run, I walked up my local hill today. I'm not in the best shape, and the last time I ran the marathon two years ago, I had to walk the final six miles. My knees stopped working. I hadn't trained enough, but I finished the race.
Now as a baby-boomer, senior-citizen, I am officially over-the-hill. I have a hill to climb in the next one-hundred forty-four days. That's the countdown given on the website.
I'm not in the beginning of my race of life, but I'm also not at the bottom of the hill. I've found out a few things on this long distance race. Life isn't a bunch of short sprints but more like a marathon than most people know. Endurance has a lot more to do with success than we might think, and that really is the secret to the marathon -- and to life. Danny Kaye once said, "Life is a great big canvas, throw all the paint at it you can."
I may not win the marathon, but I am a winner in life. I've thrown so much paint at my canvas most people ask if I have a clone. I'm an award-winning gardener, and I love working in my yard. I've acted in more than thirty films, commercials or television shows. On stage I've performed more than fifty different plays. I've had a radio program and recorded all of the Shakespearean sonnets. I have a website which is getting about twenty-thousand visits each month. I've taught high school and college for more than thirty years, continuing to expand my interests like wind-surfing, skiing, writing poetry. But since I am over the hill, I guess I'll just have to increase the speed I learn new things.
As I speed down the hill, toward the end of this race, I'll know I did everything I wanted. And if I didn't do it, I just didn't want to badly enough. Walking up the hill today was a beginning, but mostly a symbol. The St. George Marathon starts at the top of a long canyon and so it is mostly downhill. The course descends a half-mile over the twenty-six miles.
But there is one part of the race which challenges every runner. Veyo. A small hill in the middle of a long race, but it does show up just a little into the race; just enough to discourage anyone looking up at the extinct volcano. My approach to the hill is to not stop running. It may not look like I am running to anyone else, but in my own plodding and determined style, I know as long as I don't stop, eventually I will be over the hill.
Even when I'm already over the hill.
Wednesday Aug 15, 2012
MT Noggin's Rantings and Ravings
Wednesday Aug 15, 2012
Wednesday Aug 15, 2012
That's right, ladies and gentlemen, it's time for another episode of Marcus Tenacious Noggin's R and R, MT Noggin's Rantings and Ravings. We probably ought to start this episode with apologies and retractions, we got a few letters here.
"We expect an apology or monetary damages to the estate of Whitney Houston will be assessed."
Now you may not realize, but last week I sang a Whitney Houston song and apparently it is affecting the value of her estate, so let's make this a public apology. I publicly apologize for singing Whitney Houston's songs in a manner which may damage the estate of Whitney Houston and promise not to do it agin.
You notice these people on the motorcycle and the scooter and the skateboard, they seem to be lost. They're going around a circle. The same direction. Here they come again. Well, that's enough of that nonsense.
Also here, we have a letter from Fidel Castro's brother, Raul.
"Cease and desist broadcasting your likeness in the interest of world peace. Signed, Raul Castro. P.S. You can keep broadcasting the voice."
Now I didn't understand this until I actually put on my sunglasses, and you may understand that since Raul got rid of his, I mean deposed his, I mean took the place of his brother Fidel, he may not want people thinking he's still out active and able to express himself in a coherent manner like MT Noggin. So I guess that's not the worst thing in the world. Nobody needs to see this face, and be glad I'm wearing my Alaska hat, although this program is not officially endorsed by Alaska, and even though I am wearing a Hawaiian shirt, this program is not endorsed by Hawaii.
Last letter here is from Angry1.
"Please do not refer to your Sunday Go To Meetin' suit as a monkey suit. It is degrading to monkeys, chimpanzees, apes and oragutans, as well as marmocets."
What's a marmocet? Ain't it those people from Utah? Anyway, I will stop referring to my Sunday Go To Meetin' Suit and my Buryin' Suit as a monkey suit, just so those monkeys don't get upset.
Is Fidel Castro even alive? If Fidel's not alive, salubriations to his widow. I hope she doesn't have a beard.
I don't like being called a negative example, but I am gonna tell you somethin' postive. I do expect credit where credit is due, and Justice Roberts, you know that you read my episode and my entry on April 2nd about the stupid tax. You type "stupid tax" and "MT Noggin" into the innersnet, and I'm the first nine entries.
Now April 2nd and the end of June is three or four months, Justice Roberts. Now you know I was excited for the Supreme Court to overturn the individual mandate so I wouldn't have to pay any more "taxes". Now, when you read that, you should probably have given me some credit. Make sure that next time you reference somebody else's work, you don't get accused of plagiarism.
Now on the other side of the coin, you may remember me talking about the stupid tax, the lottery, as a tax on stupid people, because they expect to win. And so, just to prove my point, I did participate in the Oregon and Washington lottery and made a donation to their good cause. Your welcome, good people of Oregon and Washington, for my money.
It's like Will Rogers said, "I'm not making this stuff up; I'm just reporting the facts."
Please don't take me literally though. I did, in that last broadcast, say that you were more likely to be struck by lightning than to win the lottery. So some fool went out and won the lottery, and was then struck by lightnin' and killed before he could collect his prize money.
It's true. Look it up. It's on the intercest.
Next time, I'll explain science and math and the theory of relativity. No, maw, it's not who you're related to, it's not about who you are related to. E=mc squared. No he's not a pop singer.
So, my crack research team has told me that we could clear up the problem with the marmocets by singin' this. Just sing it? Again, my apologies to the marmosets. I think my research team is on crack. Sing this?
Marmoset there'd be days like this,
There'd be days like this my marmoset.
Are these the right words?
Marmoset there'd be days like this,
There'd be days like this my marmoset.
Sorry to all you people of Utah.
Well, that's it for this week. If you know the words, sing along.
Mare eat oats,
And does eat oats,
And little lambs eat ivy,
A kid'll eat ivy, too.
Wouldn't you?
Jest remember, be a part of the solution, and not a part of the problem.
See ya next time.
LITERATURE OUT LOUD -- see and hear great literature Audio narrations with synchronized visual text
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SHAKESPEARE'S SONNETS
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Sunday Aug 05, 2012
MT Noggin's Educational Renewal Conference
Sunday Aug 05, 2012
Sunday Aug 05, 2012
MT Noggin's FREE EduK8shun Renewal Conference
Welcome to your FREE educational renewal conference with me, Markus Tenacious Noggin. Just remember, anything free is worth what you pay for it. So here I am in my monkey suit, looking like one of those fancy pants conference speakers. Now you may be asking yourself, what can Marcus Tenancious Noggin have to tell you to help you get motivated for another school year. Some of you may be sayin', MT what can we learn from an old fool like you? Well, I'll tell ya, a lot more than from a young fool.
I was asked to say a few words of encouragement at the beginning of another school year.
I am a school teacher. I been doin' the same job for more than 30 years, so what's my secret? It don't hurt that I been changin' bosses every few years. Once ya get hired, the new guy has to think, well somebody must have had a good reason to hire him.
I've been in 3 movies so far this year, playin' a crazy survivalist, a street beggar and one of the thousands fed in a Jesus bible movie. I'm in the 7th group of 50 towards the back. I wonder why they won't give me a speakin' part.
So if some backward country boy like me can show up on the silver screen and be on the internest, just imagine what those little sh- students could turn out to be.
Why you could be teachin' a future US president, or a contestant on "So you think you can dance", or maybe even a future school teacher.
I've been teaching for more that 30 years, and though that makes many of my former teachers cringe or spin around in their graves, my life my just serve as a warnin' to those not payin' attention in class.
So let's make it short and sweet. I know you don't want to be listenin' to me, and would rather be gettin' ready for students. So here's the five P's of teachin' adapted from MT Noggin's Garden of Eatin'.
Plan, plant, prune, pluck, process.
Plan yer garden, and yer growth plan fer yer students.
Plant those seeds of knowledge and watch them grow.
Prune those pesky misconceptions out
and
Pluck that fruit of your work and harvest those ideas. Start the Process all over again and build on what you've planted.
Is that short enough fer ya?
It's like the time I got bucked off the back of that Shetland Pony and got dragged around 'cause my foot was caught in the stirrup. I got kicked in the head every time I tried to get my foot out of the stirrup. Ever since then, I wanted to be a teacher.
My name may be MT Noggin, but I owe everthin' I am to those patient teachers who put up with me in school, bless their souls. Who woulda thunk a student like I was would grow up to be an internest phe-nom-me-non.
But it all jist goes to show all you educators out there, all is not lost. MT Noggin made it through school. You may be teachin' a future MT Noggin in your very classroom. I'm pretty sure there will be another one this year, jist like every year.
Like Whitney Houston said,
"I believe the children are our future Teach them well and let them lead the way Show them all the beauty they possess inside Give them a sense of pride to make it easier Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be"
Sorry you have to listen to that but Whitney wasn't available.
I also want to thank all those people in China listening to these podcasts trying to learn English. Well, not this particular program, but that high falutin' Literature Out Loud hosted by that fancy pants Dane Allred. I'm jist sorry that all those people who think they're learning English understand those old stories by O'Henry and Edgar Allan Poe ain't necessarily standard English as spoke by good old Americans. That Edgar Allan Poe guy was my neighbor, just across the cornfield next to Noggin' Street. Had a lot of cats.
And what's up with all those Shakespeare Sonnets? 85% of the people don't understand what Shakespeare is saying, and the other 35% don't care.
Next time, MT Noggin' On Math and Science.
See ya next time on the intercest. What's that Ma? Oh, yeah, the innernet, cause it's inside the computer.
Sing along if you know it.
Mares eat oats
And does eat oats
And little lambs eat ivy,
A kid'll eat ivy, too.
Wouldn't you?
LITERATURE OUT LOUD -- see and hear great literature Audio narrations with synchronized visual text
The Complete Collection of
SHAKESPEARE'S SONNETS
all 154 poems $3.99 DVD with FREE shipping
Click on Amazon, Paypal or Google Payments button to order
Essential Oils -- create your own business -- click on the logo to begin
Monday Apr 02, 2012
The Stupid Tax by MT Noggin
Monday Apr 02, 2012
Monday Apr 02, 2012
LITERATURE OUT LOUD
Click here for a complete INDEX
Audio of this piece is available at the bottom of the post.(Whistlin')
That melodic whistlin' must mean it’s time for another episode of philosophy by Markus Tenacious Noggin.
I do have a thicker skull than most people. Maybe that's why my mama named me Markus Tenacious Noggin.
Mr. MT Noggin at yer service.
(more Whistlin')
The Stupid Tax
by MT Noggin
We really are a pathetic bunch of goons.
I don't like paying taxes any more than the next MT Noggin, but when someone tells us we have got to have insurance, we kinda get crazy.
It's called the individual mandate, and congress voted to make me and you have insurance. It don't mean we have to change the insurance we got if we got it, and if'n yur on Medicare or Medicaid, that won't change none neither.
This individual mandate means about ten million people who ain't got insurance are gonna have to buy it. If they can't afford it, they may get a subsidy. Which means you and me pay fer it.
I mean we pay fer it anyway, so I don't know why ever'one is up in arms. What is really gettin' me excited is if this here Supreme Court says it's unconstitutional, I'm hopin' we can get federal taxes struck down.
If the government cain't tell me to buy insurance, how can it make me pay federal tax? Or social security. Or FICA. Or federal gas tax at the pump. Or the federal communications tax on my phone. I'm jist glad their ain't a federal air-breathin' tax, but don't give them shysters in Worshington any idears.
Wouldn't it be great if there warn't no federal dime to pay. I guess then we might not have things like medicare or medicaid, or good roads or fresh air ta breathe.
I think when those nine people in the funny robes get to thinkin' about it, they'll realize jist how many times they dip into our pockets. And if they tell the government they can't dip into my pocket, I might get some hair brained idear to get rid of all those special opportunities to make the country a better place by paying our fair share, except those who don't have to pay it.... Well, I got off the track a bit and don't know jist where that train was headed.
Here's why we are a bunch a goons. We jist got through with another round of the stupid tax, where millions of Americans who hate to pay taxes plunk down their dollar for the stupid tax.
What are you talkin' about MT, you may be sayin'?
I call it the stupid tax, since people who can afford it the least pay it without a second thought all around the country, eager fer their chance at the long shot. You might call it the lottery.
This last round of insanity generated about half a billion dollars in prize money, which means the lottery people made about a billion, too. Remember, in the lottery, half the money goes to schools and states and other things that most of us are too cheap to fund with a tax.
But the stupid tax is one of the ways we tax ourselves and don't complain too much. We're sad when we don't win, and we're happy for those who do win, and we don't think much about how stupid it is to expect to win.
Those who are smart enough to do the calculations said that this last round of stupid tax was a good example. Now remember, if'n you don't buy a ticket yer chances of winning are zero. You won't be wastin' yer dollar, but you also get no chance of winnin'.
So what was the chances of winnin' the last stupid tax drawing? Well, if you bought a ticket, you had a one in one hundred and seventy-seven million chance of winnin', which again is better than not havin' any chance at all.
But there's about three hundred million plus people in the U. S. of A., so that means outta all the people in the country, two have the chance to win. I heard three people won the last round of "here's my dollar 'cause I'm too stupid to believe in statistics" insanity. And remember, the chance of gettin' struck by lightnin' in your lifetime is about one in three thousand.
But you an' I both know, when you tell a person everyone in the country except two people are about to die, you can bet that the person will say those two people who are gunna live be you and that other person. It's jist the way we think. Bad things happen to everyone else, but they ain't gonna happen to me. It's the only way to explain smokin'. Or chewin' tabbacy.
Now if'n we could jist talk the government into lettin' all of us pay our federal dues in a lottery, where two or three of us could get a bunch of money back, well then there won't be any complainin'. There'r just be big long lines of us beggin' for someone to take our money so we can pay our stupid tax and hope to win.
It may be the way to finance the future of this great nation, or my name ain't MT Noggin.
So next time you complain about payin' taxes, remember the alternative. There is one way to escape the madness, but being six feet underground ain't much fun.
So this is MT Noggin here, remindin' you that we all got another day today to love and learn and laugh unless we didn't, and if that's the case, you ain't listenin' to this rantin' and ravin'. That's right, we all get one more day, until we don't.
Jist remember, you heard it here first from MT Noggin hisself.
Mare eat oats and does eat oats and little lambs eat ivy,
A kid'll eat ivy, too, wouldn't you?
(Even more whistlin'.)
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SHAKESPEARE'S SONNETS
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Click on the player below to hear the audio version of this piece. The Stupid TaxMonday Mar 19, 2012
Same But Different
Monday Mar 19, 2012
Monday Mar 19, 2012
LITERATURE OUT LOUD
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That melodic tune must mean it’s time for another episode of philosophy by Markus Tenacious Noggin.
I've descended from a long line of prestigious Noggins, and my momma said I was resolutely tough. Maybe that's why she named me Markus Tenacious Noggin.
Mr. MT Noggin at yer service.
Same but Different
I shouldn't get so upset, but it seems to me we are all just a bunch of fools. High-falutin' advertizin' has fooled me before, and I just wanted to share today some of the things I've learned as I've been fooled outta more money than I’ve ever made.
Now I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I am smart enough to read the labels on packages, as I so ably demonstrated with those deceptive Girl Scout cookies.
But most of us are content to pop those pills from the pharmacy without a second thought. But you may want to start readin' then labels, since you are being hogswaggled everytime you buy them headache pills.
I can't mention the name of this famous migraine and headache medication, but suffice it to say it's probly one of the best sellin' on the market.
But if you take the time to git one package of the extra-strength and hold it next to the migraine package, you are gonna find out somethin' amazin'.
Two different products, right?
Two different labels, marked for different purposes, right?
Then will someone please explain to me why these two different products made by the same company have the exact same ingredients?
That's right. Look close at those labels, and you'll see they are the exact same formulation, down to the extry caffeinne.
Talk about a placebo effect. We buy something we think is gonna help us, and because we believe it is gonna help us, it does.
And don't forgit that caffeine. These little pills have got more git up and go than a can of Coca-cola. Each.
Let's examine these labels a little closer. Each pill contains 65 milligrams of caffeine, which is the same as a 12 ounce caffeinated soda.
I really like the kick when I drink a Coke and take a couple of headachy pills with the extra caffeinne. I feel like I could climb Mr. Everest.
So, not that I'm complainin', but it is funny to me that we don't really pay all that much attention to what we eat and drink.
And don't git me started about the fat content in most of the food, and the fact that most of the food we eat has something called maltodextrine.
I don't know what it is, but anything with the word malt in it is okay by me. Put in an extra scoop for me, cause there ain't nothin' I like better than a tall, ice-cream malt shake. Especially if'n it contains bananaers and chocolate.
But enough about my expandin' waist. They say an adult is someone who has stopped growing up and down, but not sideways.
Here's one to check out. You may like that tall glass o' chocolate milk, but you might want to check first to see if it contains carrageenan.
Accordin' to an internet article on the Learnin' Channel, this popular food thickener is considered a gum.
That's okay so far. I like gum. And thickenin' food up ain't no sin in my book.
But what you may not know is this particular food comes from the Atlantic Ocean. Still okay in my book.
Take some of this delicious food, boil it a bit, and that thickenin' agent we've been talking about appears. It is natural, and it is in a lot of foods we are eatin', and not just in that chocolate milk.
Ready for the big surprise? Did you guess what carageenan is? It's a food thickenin' agent made outta seaweed.
That's right. Seaweed. Extracted and plopped into somethin' you probably ate today.
I never thought I'd be eatin' seaweed. I mean, I ain't got nothin' against eatin' seaweed if you want to eat it, but I don't know how I feel about it bein' sneaked into my food.
Maybe it's better if I quit readin' those packages. I think I know what milk sugar, chocolate, cocoa butter, and milk fat are, but I don't think I want a short course on why my Hershey's Chocolate Bar has alkali, lactose, soy lecithin, pgpr, vanillin and artificial flavor.
I might find out pgpr and the artificial flavor is what I like best about my favorite candy bar.
And don't get me started about why it costs so much more today than when I was a young pup.
Mares eat oats
And does eat oats
And little lambs eat ivy
A kid’ll eat ivy too
Wouldn’t you?
Jist remember, you heard it here first from Mr. MT Noggin.
LITERATURE OUT LOUD -- see and hear great literature Audio narrations with synchronized visual text
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SHAKESPEARE'S SONNETS
all 154 poems
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Click on the player below to hear the audio version of this piece.Monday Mar 12, 2012
Sprung by Dane Allred
Monday Mar 12, 2012
Monday Mar 12, 2012
LITERATURE OUT LOUD
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Sprung
by Dane Allred
Another useless wasted day
That makes me pound my fist and say
This wasted twenty-four hour span,
After my careful, detailed plan.
I whiled away the precious time
Playing with those plants of mine
Weeding here and planting there,
Cleaning up stuff everywhere.
Wondering why I can't hire
Someone to work and perspire
Instead of me toiling away
I'd rather go somewhere and play.
But wait, look at that spiffy yard.
By which mess is no longer marred.
A wasted day? There's no such thing
Especially as I welcome spring.
Spring has been sprung.
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SHAKESPEARE'S SONNETS
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Click on the player below to hear the audio version of this piece.Monday Mar 12, 2012
Cookie Conspiracy by MT Noggin
Monday Mar 12, 2012
Monday Mar 12, 2012
LITERATURE OUT LOUD
Click here for a complete INDEX
That melodic tune must mean it’s time for another episode of philosophy by Markus Tenacious Noggin.
"Mark my word", said my momma. "That boy has one long-stickin' unsightliness."
hat might be why she named me Markus Tenacious Noggin.
MT Noggin at yer service.
Cookie Conspiracy
It's a mystery to me why this country allows such a blatant disregard for American health. Tiny bands of little terrorists marching around making the citizens of the United States dangerously obese.
The number one killer in the US of A is heart disease, also caused by those little monsters in official uniforms, as they spread this deadly contagion from sea to shining sea.
You may have already be a victim of this pernicious plot, and in fact, this serious threat to our way of life is so engrained in our American culture that you may be considered unpatriotic if you are not participating.
MT, you may be sayin', what are you goin' on about now? Communism is dead, well, except in China, and North Korea, and Venezuela, and except in Cuba. But that Soviet Union threat, that has definitely been eradicated. Sorta. Until you look real close at Putin.
But the threat I'm talkin' about comes from our very own. not from another country, but from our own flesh and blood.
What's up my craw, you may be askin'? Well, the next time you get yerself one of those thin mints in between your teeth, you may want to stop and think.
Why are the Girl Scouts of America bent on the destruction of this great country? You know you've been eatin' those Samoans, those Tagalongs, and those tasty, tasty Thin Mints.
Well, hold on to yer hats, 'cause after a thorough investigation, I am sad to report today that the Girls Scouts are trying to kill us. I read through those mandatory statements now included on every box, those messages to us about how destructive what we eat really is.
Did you know four Thin Mints is twenty-five percent of yer daily requirement of fat? That means you can depend on yer complete fat intake for the day if you eat sixteen of them. And did you know there are thirty or so in a box?
Now admit it. You have eaten a whole box of thin mints in one sitting. I'm man enough to admit I've done it. Now, it wasn't the proudest moment in my life, but that very day I ate enough fat from one box to meet my daily fat intake for two days. Good with a tall glass of milk.
But I digress. When these little uniformed menaces to our country knock on your door, there is no way any real American can say no without being suspect.
What do you mean you don't support the Girl Scouts? Well then, you probably don't like apple pie, which I will admit I'm not supposed to eat. Yer probably one of those people who hate the American flag, and throw it away in the trash every time it's printed in yer newspaper.
You probably even hate yer mother. But that's something you should probably discuss with a certified mental health provider.
What I'm yakkin' on about is those deadly little round treats peddled to the entire USA, with the sole intent of gettin' us fat and happy so we relax until it's too late.
I guess there is one thing to be grateful about. This national tragedy happens only once a year. One time every spring the collective nation puts on four or five pounds a piece, which realistically should put the earth out of balance and cause the world to explode.
But that's a topic for another program.
What are we going to do about it? Eat fewer cookies? Turn away the Girl Scouts? I don’t think so, but do I have good news.
Facing criticism from fat critics, the Girl Scouts have developed a lower fat cookie for those unable to resist.
These new lemon delicacies should help those truly addicted to cut back in reasonable amounts. Like down to a box a day.
The other good news is eventually they are all eaten, and you don't have to fret no more. Stay strong though the rest of March, and the worst of it should be over.
Or you could eat the lemon cookies.
Course, I won't be eatin' them. They look like cardboard.
Now pass me one of them peanut butter chocolate missiles of death.
Next week, I be rantin' and ravin' about all the time I wasted in my youth watchin' TV, when I could have waited until now to watch "Leave it to Beaver"on Hulu.
Either that or why it gives me such great satisfaction to hear another radio station playing the top forty by Casey Kasum from some random year in the seventies.
Now that's some good music.
Mares eat oats
And does eat oats
And little lambs eat ivy
A kid’ll eat ivy too
Wouldn’t you?
Jist remember, you heard it here first from MT Noggin.
LITERATURE OUT LOUD -- see and hear great literature Audio narrations with synchronized visual text
The Complete Collection of
SHAKESPEARE'S SONNETS
all 154 poems
$3.99 DVD
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Essential Oils -- create your own business -- click on the logo to begin
Sunday Mar 11, 2012
MT Noggin Whistles
Sunday Mar 11, 2012
Sunday Mar 11, 2012
MT Noggin's worldwide famous whistlin'.
LITERATURE OUT LOUD -- see and hear great literature Audio narrations with synchronized visual text
The Complete Collection of
SHAKESPEARE'S SONNETS
all 154 poems
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Tuesday Mar 06, 2012
Slap Up Side of the Head
Tuesday Mar 06, 2012
Tuesday Mar 06, 2012
LITERATURE OUT LOUD
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Slap Up Side Of The Head
by Dane Allred
What's making you so sad?
That feeling something bad
Is creeping round the bend
About to make an end
Of all those happy times?
Time to get ready for
That slap up side your head.
That wakeup call that
Wakes you up and
Reminds you you're not dead.
That gentle slap
That cursed snap
That makes you reel
And makes you feel
It's time to get to work!
That slap can snap you back in shape
A slap up side the head can wake
You up to what you have to do.
So take that slap and grab your cape
This day is yours to make or break
Don't let it get the best of you.
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Click on the player below to hear the audio version of this piece. Slap Up Side of the HeadMonday Mar 05, 2012
Road Rage and Restaurant Rage
Monday Mar 05, 2012
Monday Mar 05, 2012
LITERATURE OUT LOUD
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That melodic tune must mean it’s time for another episode of philosophy by Markus Tenacious Noggin.
I'm like a bulldog; I won't let go. That might be why my mamma named me Markus Tenacious Noggin.
MT Noggin at yer service.
Road and Restaurant Rag
I appreciate the road workers keepin' me up to date. There's always a sign here and there that says "Road Work Ahead". I like to know that the road works, but I don't know if I need so many signs tellin' me. It seems like a waste of tax payer money, usually, the roads don't work so well every time I see one of those "Road Work Ahead" signs.
I do have a bit of the arthuritis, and it seems like these same shovel crews are worried about me checkin' that my shoulder works. I don't know if I need a sign tellin' me check my shoulder. Shoulder work ahead? Whose business is that?
And even though I am a good God fearin' Christian man, I think there is a line that needs to be drawn between church and state. I have recently become aware of the road crews promotin' Christianity, and you know it's only a matter of time before one of these other religions complains, and then those signs are going to have to come down. You've seen those signs I'm talkin' about; "Look up and live."
It's just another promotion of religion, and like I said, I am a Sundy go to meeting kind of guy but "Look up and live?" It's just gonna cause problems, or you can't call me MT Noggin.
Those asphalt jockeys are gettin' pretty smart about it, too, puttin' those "Look up and live" signs right under those high power electrical wires. Very, very subtile.
And those deer crossin' signs. At least nowadays the deer on the signs look like deer. Back in the good old days, I remember lookin' at those deer signs and wondering who drew it. Cause it looked like a dog with horns, not a deer.
I just hope these new signs work better than the old ones, cause if the deer on the sign don't look like a deer, how are those deer gonna know where to cross?
We may have just caused more senseless deer casualties cause they were looking at a sign wondering if this is the right place for deer to cross, or is it a place for dogs with horns?
I just think it is a humanitarian thing to do, you know. Puttin' those signs up so the deer know where to cross. It just shows what kind 'a carin' people live here in the US of A.
But don't get me started about those "Fallin' Rocks" signs. Why would you put those near roads?
Oh also, I jist wanna take this opportunity to apoleegize to the waiter I was rude to yisterday. I'm usually a pleasant kinda person, but when my back gets up, watch out!
I don't know what was in my craw that made me complain in no uncertain terms that I was not pleased by being made to wait fer a seat at that fancy restaurant yisterday.
It may have been the fact that I am a pretty ornery lookin' fellow, with my wild whiskers and crazy hair. I do look a sight, and I'm not the kind of person most people want to see at an upscale feedbag place. I'm kinda surprized they didn't stick me in the back corner, which has been done to me before.
After I calmed down, I felt bad, so I wound up leavin' a really good tip, but that still don't mean I shoulda been rude.
Sorry, Mr. Matra-dee. Sometimes even MT Noggin puts on airs. But the real message here is you can't judge a book by it's cover. I may look like a crusty ole coot, and sometimes my manners ain't the best, but I gave that waiter the best bump he had all day -- probably a thirty-percent tip. Those table waitin' people deserve it, puttin up with all the nonsense us uppity people dish out.
But don't be judging us scroungy lookin' sorts. All one summer when I was especially hairy-faced and wild-lookin', I couldn't get no good service nowhere. People would ignore me, hopin' I was going away, but I jist stood my ground, waitin' for them to do their job, which was to serve me.
The worst place was those convenience stores. I couldn't walk up and down an aisle without havin' someone on my tail wonderin' what I was gettin' ready to steal.
The sad part about this whole tale is that the community as a whole is a God-fearin', Jesus-lovin' people. They want everybody to know that Jesus loves them, but he might not love you if you have a scroungy beard or uncombed hair.
Makes you wonder what kind of service Jesus would git around here if he came back and wanted a seat in an upscale place.
They'd probly make him wear shoes, and a tie. Come to think of it, if he went to church, he probly wouldn't git in the door, 'specily if he was wearin' sandals.
Mares eat oats
And does eat oats
And little lambs eat ivy
A kid’ll eat ivy too
Wouldn’t you?
Whistling
Jist remember, you heard it here first from MT Noggin.
LITERATURE OUT LOUD -- see and hear great literature Audio narrations with synchronized visual text
The Complete Collection of
SHAKESPEARE'S SONNETS
all 154 poems
$3.99 DVD
with FREE shipping