daneallred

Character Central

Leo

Character Central, Leo speakin’.

Dane

Could I speak with Arnold Swarzenegger please?

Leo

You want the Terminator, the Ice Man, the Running Man and former governor of “Kalifornia”? I just love the way he says that.

Dane

Yes, and could we put this on the Bill Gates credit card?

Leo

Is dis Dane Allred again?

Dane

How did you know?

Leo

The Bill Gates card. You know I’m gonna get into trouble someday ‘cause you keep using dis ting.

Dane

Has he called and complained?

Leo

Not yet. But I expect a visit any day from VISA. Hey, it worked again. Here’s Arnold.

Dane

Arnold Swarzenegger? Former Mr. Universe and governor of California?

Arnold

I just use my muscles as a conversation piece, like someone walking a cheetah down 42nd Street.

Dane

That’s a great image. But body-building is how you started your career, isn’t it?

Arnold

I knew I was a winner back in the late sixties. I knew I was destined for great things. People will say that kind of thinking is totally immodest. I agree. Modesty is not a word that applies to me in any way - I hope it never will.

Dane

Yes, no one would accuse you of being modest. Do you still train?

Arnold

Training gives us an outlet for suppressed energies created by stress and thus tones the spirit just as exercise conditions the body.

Dane

It’s a lifetime approach?

Arnold

Bodybuilding is much like any other sport. To be successful, you must dedicate yourself 100% to your training, diet and mental approach.

Dane

Total dedication in mind and body?

Arnold

The mind is the limit. As long as the mind can envision the fact that you can do something, you can do it, as long as you really believe 100 percent.

Dane

You are a strong man with strong beliefs.

Arnold

Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength.

Dane

That’s a philosophy which has worked well for you in your other endeavors.

Arnold

The success I have achieved in bodybuilding, motion pictures, and business would not have been possible without the generosity of the American people and the freedom here to pursue your dreams.

Dane

You have accomplished so much. Did you see yourself going so far in life?

Arnold

What we face may look insurmountable. But I learned something from all those years of training and competing. I learned something from all those sets and reps when I didn't think I could lift another ounce of weight. What I learned is that we are always stronger than we know.

Dane

So when you thought about what you could accomplish early on, did you have a guiding direction?

Arnold

Start wide, expand further, and never look back.

Dane

And if people resist your ideas?

Arnold

The resistance that you fight physically in the gym and the resistance that you fight in life can only build a strong character.

Dane

So you aren’t just a muscle-bound body?

Arnold

I know a lot of athletes and models are written off as just bodies. I never felt used for my body.

Dane

People may be able to tell you’re not from around here.

Arnold

I still speak with a slight accent.

Dane

But you have become a great proponent of the opportunities in the U.S.?

Arnold

I was born in Europe... and I've traveled all over the world. I can tell you that there is no place, no country, that is more compassionate, more generous, more accepting, and more welcoming than the United States of America.

Dane

And you became a naturalized citizen?

Arnold

As long as I live, I will never forget that day when I raised my hand and took the oath of citizenship. Do you know how proud I was? I was so proud that I walked around with an American flag around my shoulders all day long.

Dane

You really do love America.

Arnold

As you know, I'm an immigrant. I came over here as an immigrant, and what gave me the opportunities, what made me to be here today, is the open arms of Americans. I have been received. I have been adopted by America.

Dane

So much that some people are trying to change the constitution so you could run for President.

Arnold

Everything I have, my career, my success, my family, I owe to America.

Dane

You really are an American inspiration.

Arnold

No matter the nationality, no matter the religion, no matter the ethnic background, America brings out the best in people.

Dane

Any plans, now that you’re not Governor any more, for relaxation, or maybe retirement?

Arnold

I welcome and seek your ideas, but do not bring me small ideas; bring me big ideas to match our future.

Dane

Sorry, I didn’t mean to present small ideas. Could we talk about your movies for a moment?

Arnold

My friend James Cameron and I made three films together - True Lies, The Terminator and Terminator 2. Of course, that was during his early, low-budget, art-house period.

Dane

But you have made so many other films. What would you say is your work ethic?

Arnold

You can scream at me, call me for a shoot at midnight, keep me waiting for hours - as long as what ends up on the screen is perfect.

Dane

But there really is only one Arnold Swarzanegger.

Arnold

The worst thing I can be is the same as everybody else. I hate that.

Dane

Your favorite actress you’ve played opposite?

Arnold

I have a love interest in every one of my films: a gun.

Dane

Very diplomatic. Any adventures from movies sets you want to share?

Arnold

I have inhaled, exhaled everything.

Dane

That does cover quite a bit.

Arnold

Maria is the best reason to come home.

Dane

Yes, your beautiful and talented wife. Any political fights in the family?

Arnold

Political courage is not political suicide.

Dane

So you make it work.

Arnold

Failure is not an option. Everyone has to succeed.

Dane

And you have been incredibly successful. Has money changed your life?

Arnold

Money doesn't make you happy. I now have $50 million but I was just as happy when I had $48 million.

Dane

Hard to keep track of all the wealth?

Arnold

If it's hard to remember, it'll be difficult to forget.

Dane

So do you have plans you’d like to share about your future?

Arnold

For me life is continuously being hungry. The meaning of life is not simply to exist, to survive, but to move ahead, to go up, to achieve, to conquer.

Dane

More public service? What do you want to do?

Arnold

Help others and give something back. I guarantee you will discover that while public service improves the lives and the world around you, its greatest reward is the enrichment and new meaning it will bring your own life.

Dane

Very inspirational.

Arnold

I believe with all my heart that America remains 'the great idea' that inspires the world. It is a privilege to be born here. It is an honor to become a citizen here. It is a gift to raise your family here, to vote here, and to live here.

Dane

Yes, it is a great place. Any advice to future actors, politicians or weight-lifters?

Arnold

If you work hard and play by the rules, this country is truly open to you. You can achieve anything.

Dane

Even if you have an accent.

Arnold

In this country, it doesn't make any difference where you were born. It doesn't make any difference who your parents were. It doesn't make any difference if, like me, you couldn't even speak English until you were in your twenties.

Dane

So you think people should become more involved?

Arnold

When the people become involved in their government, government becomes more accountable, and our society is stronger, more compassionate, and better prepared for the challenges of the future.

Dane

But you have urged other politicians to renounce special interests.

Arnold

If they don't have the guts to come up here in front of you and say, 'I don't want to represent you, I want to represent those special interests, the unions, the trial lawyers ... if they don't have the guts, I call them girlie men.

Dane

So you’re warning for political opponents?

Arnold

If it bleeds, we can kill it.

Dane

That’s very strong language.

Arnold

Milk is for babies. When you grow up you have to drink beer.

Dane

Is that a training secret? Or does drinking make us fat?

Arnold

It's simple, if it jiggles, it's fat.

Dane

Yes, I could lose a little weight, myself.

Arnold

I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with Guess on it. I said, Thyroid problem?

Dane

Well, I don’t have a thyroid problem, but let me just say how exciting it has been to have you speak to us here at Abundance.

Arnold

I'll be back.

Dane

Yes, I might have to call Character Central again and talk some more. Thanks, again, Arnold Swarzenegger.

Arnold

Hasta la vista, baby.

Dane

Character Central. Where quotations from famous people are used to complete an interview with Dane Allred. All of the quotations were actually spoken or written by the subject of the interview at one time or another, but never for this interview.

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Character Central

Leo

Character Central, Leo speakin’.

Dane

Hi, Leo, this is Dane Allred, from Abundance.

Leo

Who?

Dane

Abundance? 1001 Thanks? Literature Out Loud?

Leo

Sorry, pal, you got the wrong number.

Dane

No, I’d like to speak to Winston Churchill, please.

Leo

Oh, you want Sir Winston. Churchy baby, the phone’s for you. How we paying for this today, pally?.

Dane

Could we use the Bill Gates card again?

Leo

Oh, this is Dane Allred, isn’t it?

Dane

Yeah, that’s what I said, Dane Allred.

Leo

Thanks for using Character Central. Here’s Sir Winston.

Dane

Sir Winston Churchill, what an honor to speak with you today. I’d say most of our audience today knows you best from your dedication and work in World War II.

Winston

It was the nation and the race dwelling all round the globe that had the lion's heart. I had the luck to be called upon to give the roar.

Dane

And what a roar. You were considered one of the key voices for the Allies.

Winston

One ought never to turn one's back on a threatened danger and try to run away from it. If you do that, you will double the danger. But if you meet it promptly and without flinching, you will reduce the danger by half. Never run away from anything. Never!

Dane

And I guess your most famous speech from the war would be…

Winston

We shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be, we shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender.

Dane

Yes, and speaking of the word never…

Winston

Never give in — never, never, never, never, in nothing great or small, large or petty, never give in except to convictions of honor and good sense. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy.

Never, never, never give up.

Dane

Yes, I was thinking of those quotes. But you must hate to be reminded of those times again and again.

Winston

I hate nobody except Hitler — and that is professional.

Dane

Yes, Hitler was one of the biggest problems.

Winston

If you are going through hell, keep going.

Dane

So you think Hitler is in Hell?

Winston

If Hitler invaded Hell, I would make at least a favorable reference to the devil in the House of Commons.

Dane

Very nice of you.

Winston

When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.

Dane

And when your time comes, do you think Heaven will judge you harshly?

Winston

I am prepared to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

Dane

And do you think history will treat you kindly?

Winston

History will be kind to me for I intend to write it. History is written by the victors.

Dane

It does help to be on the winning side, right?

Winston

In war it does not matter who is right, but who is left.

Dane

How true. But World War II really was a battle of giant personalities like you and Hitler.

Winston

When the war of the giants is over the wars of the pygmies will begin.

Dane

And you were successful in completing what you had to do.

Winston

Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm.

Dane

Yes, I guess there were some failures.

Winston

When you are winning a war almost everything that happens can be claimed to be right and wise.

Dane

It’s been said you enjoyed the war.

Winston

Yes, I once said, “I think a curse should rest on me. I know this war is shattering the lives of thousands every moment — and yet — I can't help it — I enjoy every second of it.”

Dane

But that is the kind of fanaticism people need in their leaders during war.

Winston

A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.

Dane

Well, if you want to change the subject, we don’t have to talk about just the war. But we’ve just begun to…

Winston

Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning.

Dane

So we can keep talking about other topics?

Winston

Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong only because he has remained silent.

Dane

Yes, I know our listeners will be interested to hear whatever you’d like to discuss.

Winston

When the eagles are silent, the parrots begin to jabber.

Dane

Uh, sorry if I’m jabbering. Have you ever regretted things you have said in the past?

Winston

I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.

Dane

Really?

Winston

In the course of my life, I have often had to eat my words, and I must confess that I have always found it a wholesome diet.

Dane

You have a good attitude about being right and wrong.

Winston

I am always ready to learn although I do not always like being taught.

Dane

But that still is a positive attitude.

Winston

I am an optimist. It does not seem too much use being anything else.

Dane

Yes, pessimism doesn’t contribute much.

Winston

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

Dane

So you don’t need encouragement to be optimistic?

Winston

I am certainly not one of those who need to be prodded. In fact, if anything, I am the prod.

Dane

You were one of the best motivating factors of the war.

Winston

I am easily satisfied with the very best.

Dane

Do you have a favorite animal?

Winston

No hour of life is lost that is spent in the saddle.

Dane

Saddle, horses. I get it. Any other comments about animals?

Winston

I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.

Dane

Pigs, yes. I understand you once heard your room was bugged, and had a great response. Do you remember what you said?

Winston

This is Winston Churchill speaking. If you have a microphone in my room, it is a waste of time. I do not talk in my sleep.

Dane

Very funny. You do have some classic retorts which have been immortalized. When Bessie Braddock told you that you were drunk, you replied:

Winston

Bessie, my dear, you are ugly, and what's more, you are disgustingly ugly. But tomorrow I shall be sober and you will still be disgustingly ugly.

Dane

That seems quite cruel.

Winston

If you have an important point to make, don't try to be subtle or clever. Use a pile driver. Hit the point once. Then come back and hit it again. Then hit it a third time - a tremendous whack.

Dane

Which is why when Lady Astor commented to you, that if you were her husband, she would put poison in your coffee, you said:

Winston

And if I were your husband I would drink it!

Dane

I understand you had a great response to George Bernard Shaw when he invited you to the premiere of Pygmalion. He wrote: AM RESERVING TWO TICKETS FOR YOU FOR MY PREMIERE. COME AND BRING A FRIEND – IF YOU HAVE ONE. Do you recall your reply?

Winston

IMPOSSIBLE TO BE PRESENT FOR THE FIRST PERFORMANCE. WILL ATTEND THE SECOND – IF THERE IS ONE.

Dane

What would you say was your most significant accomplishment in life?

Winston

My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me.

Dane

You are most proud of your marriage to your wife. Do you spend much time together?

Winston

My wife and I tried two or three times in the last 40 years to have breakfast together, but it was so disagreeable we had to stop. (Cough)

Dane

Do you need a drink of brandy?

Winston

I neither want it nor need it, but I should think it pretty hazardous to interfere with the ineradicable habit of a lifetime.

Dane

Yes, it is said you do like alcohol.

Winston

When I was a young subaltern in the South African War, the water was not fit to drink. To make it palatable we had to put a bit of whiskey in it. By diligent effort I learned to like it.

Dane

So you might say you drink regularly.

Winston

When I was younger I made it a rule never to take strong drink before lunch. It is now my rule never to do so before breakfast.

Dane

Any problems from drinking?

Winston

I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.

Dane

Any other vices?

Winston

My rule of life prescribed as an absolutely sacred rite smoking cigars and also the drinking of alcohol before, after and if need be during all meals and in the intervals between them.

Dane

I’m told you often miss scheduled flights and trains?

Winston

I am a sporting man. I always give them a fair chance to get away.

Dane

Very sporting of you.

Winston

We are all worms. But I believe that I am a glow-worm.

Dane

But even so, you have given so much to this civilization.

Winston

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.

Dane

Very inspiring. And I would like to thank you for helping the world progress to the great civilization we have today.

Winston

Every day you may make progress. Every step may be fruitful. Yet there will stretch out before you an ever-lengthening, ever-ascending, ever-improving path. You know you will never get to the end of the journey. But this, so far from discouraging, only adds to the joy and the glory of the climb.

Dane

Yes, I think I once heard you say something about life being difficult.

Winston

Difficulties mastered are opportunities won.

Dane

Yes, that was it. And may I say what a great opportunity it was to speak to you today from Character Central. I hope to have on here again. Thank you again for saving us and the British Empire from domination by Fascism.

Winston

I think I can save the British Empire from anything — except the British.

Dane

That’s very funny.

Winston

A joke is a very serious thing.

Dane

Thank you again. We’ve been speaking with Sir Winston Churchill, from Character Central.

Character Central. Where quotations from famous people are used to complete an interview with Dane Allred. All of the quotations were actually spoken or written by the subject of the interview at one time or another, but never for this interview.

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Character Central

John Wayne

Leo

Character Central, home of the formerly famous, this is Leo speakin’.

Dane

Could I speak to Marion Morrison please?

Leo

Who?

Dane

The Duke?

Leo

No dukes, here, buddy. Oh, you mean John Wayne!

Dane

Yes! Could I speak to John Wayne, please?

Leo

That’s gonna cost ya.

Dane

Could we put this on the Bill Gates card, please?

Leo

Oh, is this dat Abundance guy again?

Dane

Yes, this is Dane Allred.

Leo

No, that guy who is always talkin’ about all the good things he sees in life?

Dane

Yes, that’s me. Dane Allred

Leo

No, that ain’t right.

Dane

I do talk about 1001 things I’m thankful for.

Leo

That’s the guy. Mr. 1001 Thanks.

Dane

Yes, that’s me. Dane Allred.

Leo

No, that still ain’t right. But I’ll go get Marion.

(off-phone)

Johnny – Dukey baby. It’s Bill Gates on the phone for you.

Dane

No, it’s not Bill Gates. We just use the card I found…

John Wayne

This is the Duke speaking…

Dane

John Wayne!! It is such a pleasure to speak to you. I’ve really enjoyed every movie I’ve ever seen you in.

John Wayne

Well, I’ll tell you pilgrim, there are some things a man just can’t run away from.

Dane

You are a classic American icon.

John Wayne

I`m an American actor. I work with my clothes on. I have to. Riding a horse can be pretty tough on your legs and elsewheres.

Dane

Yes, that could be painful.

John Wayne

When you come slam bang up against trouble, it never looks half as bad if you face up to it.

Dane

You do have a great attitude. Thanks for sharing it with our listeners.

John Wayne

Well, I’ve always said, when the road looks rough ahead, remember the Man Upstairs and the word Hope. Hang onto both and tough it out.

Dane

That’s exactly the kind of thing I was hoping you would say.

John Wayne

I won’t be wronged, I won’t be insulted, and I won’t be laid a hand on. I don’t do these things to other people, and I require the same from them.

Dane

Another good piece of advice.

John Wayne

Get off your horse and drink your milk.

Dane

I’m sorry?...

John Wayne

Life is tough, but it's tougher when you're stupid.

Dane

Stupid?

John Wayne

Talk low, talk slow and don't say too much.

Dane

Am I talking too fast?

John Wayne

You can`t whine and bellyache because somebody else got a good break and you didn`t.

Dane

I’m sorry if you think I’m whining…

John Wayne

A man's got to do what a man's got to do.

Dane

Um, yes. Mr. Wayne, is there a way you would like to be remembered?

John Wayne

I would like to be remembered, well . . . the Mexicans have a phrase, "Feo fuerte y formal". Which means he was ugly, strong and had dignity.

Dane

Ugly? Really?

John Wayne

I have tried to live my life so that my family would love me and my friends respect me. The others can do whatever the hell they please.

Dane

Again, good advice. Any advice for the future?

John Wayne

Tomorrow is the most important thing in life. Comes into us at midnight very clean. It's perfect when it arrives and it puts itself in our hands. It hopes we've learned something from yesterday.

Dane

Very good. I hope we have learned something today. Any advice about women from the manliest man of American film?

John Wayne

I've had three wives, six children and six grandchildren and I still don't understand women.

Dane

Yes, Abraham Lincoln said a woman was the only thing he was afraid of that he knew wouldn’t hurt him.

John Wayne

Courage is being scared to death... and saddling up anyway.

Dane

I guess there is no answer for the fear.

John Wayne

All battles are fought by scared men who’d rather be someplace else.

Dane

I can’t believe you only received one Oscar for Best Actor.

John Wayne

You can’t eat awards -- nor, more to the point, drink ‘em.

Dane

Hard living and hard drinking.

John Wayne

I never trust a man that doesn`t drink.

Dane

John Wayne, thank you so much for being with us today.

John Wayne

A man ought to do what he thinks is right.

Dane

That’s right, and again, thank you for speaking with us from Character Central.

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Leo

Character Central, this is Leo speakin’. Who you lookin’ for?

Dane

Could I speak to W.C. Fields please?

Leo

Just a minute. W.C.?

Forrest

You need to go to the bathroom?

Leo

No, not the water closet, you moron. Go get W.C. Fields.

Forrest

Okay Lieutenant Dan.

Leo

Stop calling me Lieutenant Dan! Just go get the old drunk.

Forrest

Yes sir, drill sergeant sir!

Leo

That nut is goin’ drive me crazy. Can I tell Mr. Fields whom is calling?

Dane

Yes, I’m Dane Allred calling for Abundance.

Leo

Abundance? You ain’t gonna get no abundance here, pally.

Dane

No, the program is called Abundance.

Leo

Oh yeah, that crazy guy who goes on and on about all the good t’ings in life.

Dane

Yes, that’s me, Dane Allred.

Leo

Well, I got your Abundance right here! Who is dis being billed to?

Dane

Can you use the same card as last time?

Leo

Let me look. Abundance, abundance, use Bill Gates lost credit card?

Dane

That would be fine.

Leo

Gotcha. Here’s W.C. Fields. But don’t talk too long cause I ain’t gonna stand here and prop him up. He’s pretty wobbly today.

Dane

Okay.

Leo

And thank you for using Character Central, your source for the formerly famous. Here’s the phone, you old booze-hound.

W.C.

Thank you my good man. It’s not a fit night out for man nor beast.

Dane

Is this W.C. Fields?

W.C.

Speaking. And how can I help you my good man?

Dane

Well, today on Abundance we are talking about organization. Do you have any organizational tips for my audience?

W.C.

Ornamentation? I’m in favor of it.

Dane

No, organization.

W.C.

Oh, organization. That reminds me, a woman drove me to drink and I never even had the decency to thank her.

Dane

So you’re suggesting making a list of people to thank? Any other suggestions?

W.C.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things fish do in it. Water; that’s the stuff that rusts pipes. Excuse me for a moment, I must have a drink of breakfast.

Dane

You don’t drink water at all?

W.C.

I never drink water. I’m afraid it may become habit-forming.

Dane

Well, speaking of habits, do you foresee a time you will ever stop drinking alcohol?

W.C.

Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.

Dane

You have quit drinking before. Was there an organized program?

W.C.

Yes. Once during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

Dane

Any other times you’ve quit?

W.C.

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.

Dane

Do you have any other preferences you’d like to share with us?

W.C.

On the whole, I’d rather be in Philadelphia.

Dane

You don’t like living there at Character Central?

W.C.

No. Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.

Dane

But, really, Philadelphia. I’ve never heard you speak well of that town.

W.C.

I once spent a year in Philadelphia. I think it was a Sunday.

Dane

Seriously?

W.C.

Oh, yes. Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.

Dane

So, Mr. Fields, any other advice for our listeners about trying to get organized?

W.C.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.

Dane

Well, that is sound advice. Thank you W.C. Fields for speaking with us today on Abundance.

W.C.

I thought we were talking about ornamentation.

Dane

No, we’re focusing on organization on the program called Abundance. I believe in celebrating the abundance all around us.

W.C.

A man’s gotta believe in something, and I believe I’ll have another drink. And like I say, if you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull. Good day to you, Mr. Gates.

Dane

No, its Dane Allred, we just use this card I found…

Music interruption.

Dane

Thanks to Mr. W.C. Fields who joined us today on Abundance from Character Central.

LITERATURE OUT LOUD

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LITERATURE OUT LOUD -- see and hear great literature Audio narrations with synchronized visual text

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SHAKESPEARE'S SONNETS

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Character Central

 

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