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LITERATURE OUT LOUD

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(Whistlin')

That melodic whistlin' must mean it’s time for another episode of philosophy by Markus Tenacious Noggin.

I do have a thicker skull than most people.  Maybe that's why my mama named me Markus Tenacious Noggin.

Mr. MT Noggin at yer service.

(more Whistlin')

The Stupid Tax

by MT Noggin

We really are a pathetic bunch of goons.

I don't like paying taxes any more than the next MT Noggin, but when someone tells us we have got to have insurance, we kinda get crazy.

It's called the individual mandate, and congress voted to make me and you have insurance.  It don't mean we have to change the insurance we got if we got it, and if'n yur on Medicare or Medicaid, that won't change none neither.

This individual mandate means about ten million people who ain't got insurance are gonna have to buy it.  If they can't afford it, they may get a subsidy.  Which means you and me pay fer it.

I mean we pay fer it anyway, so I don't know why ever'one is up in arms.  What is really gettin' me excited is if this here Supreme Court says it's unconstitutional, I'm hopin' we can get federal taxes struck down.

If the government cain't tell me to buy insurance, how can it make me pay federal tax?  Or social security. Or FICA.  Or federal gas tax at the pump. Or the federal communications tax on my phone.  I'm jist glad their ain't a federal air-breathin' tax, but don't give them shysters in Worshington any idears.

Wouldn't it be great if there warn't no federal dime to pay.  I guess then we might not have things like medicare or medicaid, or good roads or fresh air ta breathe.

I think when those nine people in the funny robes get to thinkin' about it, they'll realize jist how many times they dip into our pockets.  And if they tell the government they can't dip into my pocket, I might get some hair brained idear to get rid of all those special opportunities to make the country a better place by paying our fair share, except those who don't have to pay it.... Well, I got off the track a bit and don't know jist where that train was headed.

Here's why we are a bunch a goons.  We jist got through with another round of the stupid tax, where millions of Americans who hate to pay taxes plunk down their dollar for the stupid tax.

What are you talkin' about MT, you may be sayin'?

I call it the stupid tax, since people who can afford it the least pay it without a second thought all around the country, eager fer their chance at the long shot.  You might call it the lottery.

This last round of insanity generated about half a billion dollars in prize money, which means the lottery people made about a billion, too.  Remember, in the lottery, half the money goes to schools and states and other things that most of us are too cheap to fund with a tax.

But the stupid tax is one of the ways we tax ourselves and don't complain too much.  We're sad when we don't win, and we're happy for those who do win, and we don't think much about how stupid it is to expect to win.

Those who are smart enough to do the calculations said that this last round of stupid tax was a good example. Now remember, if'n you don't buy a ticket yer chances of winning are zero.  You won't be wastin' yer dollar, but you also get no chance of winnin'.

So what was the chances of winnin' the last stupid tax drawing?  Well, if you bought a ticket, you had a one in one hundred and seventy-seven million chance of winnin', which again is better than not havin' any chance at all.

But there's about three hundred million plus people in the U. S. of A., so that means outta all the people in the country, two have the chance to win.  I heard three people won the last round of "here's my dollar 'cause I'm too stupid to believe in statistics" insanity.  And remember, the chance of gettin' struck by lightnin'  in your lifetime is about one in three thousand.

But you an' I both know, when you tell a person everyone in the country except two people are about to die, you can bet that the person will say those two people who are gunna live be you and that other person.  It's jist the way we think.  Bad things happen to everyone else, but they ain't gonna happen to me.  It's the only way to explain smokin'.  Or chewin' tabbacy.

Now if'n we could jist talk the government into lettin' all of us pay our federal dues in a lottery, where two or three of us could get a bunch of money back, well then there won't be any complainin'.  There'r just be big long lines of us beggin' for someone to take our money so we can pay our stupid tax and hope to win.

It may be the way to finance the future of this great nation, or my name ain't MT Noggin.

So next time you complain about payin' taxes, remember the alternative.  There is one way to escape the madness, but being six feet underground ain't much fun.

So this is MT Noggin here, remindin' you that we all got another day today to love and learn and laugh unless we didn't, and if that's the case, you ain't listenin' to this rantin' and ravin'.  That's right, we all get one more day, until we don't.

Jist remember, you heard it here first from MT Noggin hisself.

Mare eat oats and does eat oats and little lambs eat ivy,

A kid'll eat ivy, too, wouldn't you?

(Even more whistlin'.)

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