Episodes
Friday Mar 19, 2010
Ready or Not
Friday Mar 19, 2010
Friday Mar 19, 2010
Ready or Not
When you think about the 98 pound weakling on the beach, you may be picturing me in high school. I didn’t weigh 98 pounds, but tipping the scale at barely 130 pounds isn’t much different. I used to lie on my license and say I weighed 140 pounds, but that was only a distant dream. My metabolism was crazy, so I could eat anything I wanted and not worry about gaining weight.
I had accepted the fact I wouldn’t get buffed up, but remember this was back in the day when I could also do backflips. Accepting where we are in life doesn’t mean there can’t be changes in the future. I eventually did have a change in my metabolism, and was able to gain weight. People laugh at me sometimes when I tell them I like being fat; but I’ve been skinny and I like fat better. There is an example of what acceptance can do when it’s a part of your life. I accept the fact I’m fat now, but again, that doesn’t mean I can’t change that in my future if I want to. We’ll see what happens, but it’s nice to be able to be comfortable in my own skin. Are you comfortable with yourself?
The flip side of acceptance has to do with others who accept us as we are. I hope you belong to a group which accepts you as you are, but can also hold space for your future as you change into the person you will become. Having this kind of unity can do amazing things. Opening up the possibility of change while accepting things as they are can produce a kind of productivity and potentiality where almost anything is possible.
Can we love people as they are and accept them later as they change? It happens all the time, and a sad reminder is my wedding picture my wife decided to recently install on the mantelpiece. Let’s just say I’m not the same person I was 33 years ago, and my wife still loves me. It may be true she loves me more, since there is more of me to love. She has also changed, and the journey we have experience together has been extraordinary. But it’s also true we couldn’t have jumped from the past to this point in our life without the intervening years.
There is a peace that comes with accepting things as they are, but still holding the possibilities for change in the future. It’s one of the reasons we get a day at a time to try to get it right. Who knows what tomorrow holds? It may be one of weakness and pain; it may be a time of strength and happiness. This is why it’s exciting each day to wake up and see what this day will bring.
What expectations do you hold for your future? Do you want to see changes in your life, but can still be satisfied with the way things are at this moment? Remember, dissatisfaction with today doesn’t lead to a better tomorrow. Learning how to endure the bad times gives us the strength to enjoy the good times later. It does seem like a strange contradiction, but we can’t let problems today stand in the way of enjoying this minute. That also means we have to stick around to enjoy the fruits of today’s labors. It is a confusing way to live, but I can’t think of a better way to spend our lives. Enjoy today, work for a better tomorrow; be satisfied with whatever outcome we get.
It’s like the ancient story of the man who has a strong healthy son. Is this a good thing? Perhaps, says the father. This son was required to report to the emperor for service in the army. Is it a bad thing? Perhaps, says the father. When the son breaks a leg, is it a good thing? Perhaps says the father.
You can see where the argument goes. What is good and bad? Does it depend on who it affects and who is not involved? Or do we learn to live this life to its fullest, and work hard to make tomorrow better? The only alternative is to be negative, to attack, or to give up. Isn’t it time to turn from the posture of scarcity and limits? I’m tired of the whining, and I hope you are too. I am ready to get focused and positive, and to celebrate the abundance present all around us. Consider the future without worrying, but instead full of optimism. Picture a future with solutions, with positive results based on what we can all accomplish together, working in unity.
Celebrate the abundance. Get ready, here comes the future, whether we are ready or not.
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Accepting Difference
Wednesday Mar 17, 2010
Wednesday Mar 17, 2010
Accepting Difference
Tax day is coming up. One of my favorite days is tax day, and it’s not because I like to pay taxes. But I do like to procrastinate. This means I am often filing my taxes on the last day, at the last hour, and waiting patiently in line at the post office with the dozens of other cars lined up to hand our tax returns to a faithful postal employee. The post office really steps it up on tax day.
They stay open late, and even wait outside the post office to gather the mail. They want our tax returns to be post-marked correctly, and I don’t know if they still get government funding, but it does make a kind of sense if you think of it. As federal employees, they do want the federal government to continue to function. But that’s not the point.
The great feeling I get when I am lined up like others like myself is a great confirmation. There are others out there like me, others who procrastinate and wait in line to pay their yearly bill or received their refund. I usually get a refund, which makes my delay kind of idiotic. You would think I want the refund sooner. But I really like the feeling of community I get when I wait and turn in those forms with the other people like me.
We are social creatures. We like to feel accepted; like we belong. This is one of the reasons I will continue to say we are more alike than we are different. We like the unity we feel in a group, the togetherness and the oneness we experience when we are with others we feel are like us.
There really is no other way to explain motorcycle groups. Or Civil War re-enactors. Or those who attend burning man, nudist colonies, and those people who attend heavy metal concerts. I don’t have problems with any of these groups, but merely use them as examples of people who congregate.
One of the mysteries of community is how we fear those not in our group. If someone is different, they must be suspicious. They can’t possibly want to be part of that group for the same reasons we like to be part of our group. Right now, I need to learn to be more tolerant of snowboarders.
Since I like to ski, there seems to be a natural animosity between skiers and snow-boarders. I’m not sure why this division exists, but it seems to run along the same lines as school loyalties. You know the school your school hates, but you probably can’t really tell me why. You just know that school is the worst, and hate it with a passion. Deep down, you know good people go to that school, good teachers and employees work there, and there really is no reason to hate. But we still do.
I like skiing where there are no snow-boarders, and there are a couple of places like that where I ski. The main reason is the last “close encounter” I had with someone skiing on a single board. I was stopped at the side of a path when a snowboarder collided into me. He hit me hard enough to knock me out of my skis, and several people stopped to see if I was still alive. It was a really solid body block, and left a nice bruise all along my left leg. All the departing offender could shout back was, “Sorry, man, I can’t carve!”
I really don’t hate snowboarders; they just aren’t part of my group, and I know that’s where the animosity comes from. I’m trying to become more accepting, and I know there are other groups I need to stop suspecting. We can all think of those groups we want to hate, even though we really can’t think of a good reason to continue the hate.
Are we really so different? We are born into the same world; we have the same needs. We are born into families that love us and care for us. We grow in communities that want everyone to succeed, to feel accepted and needed. As we progress as a society, we want to help those who can’t help themselves. We all want to be independent, and pursue our own goals. Society is designed as a support for those who want success, who want to help, who want to serve.
Cheer on those others who are like you. They may be waiting in a tax line, or skiing down a hill with you. But remember the value of the desires and goals of those who may be different. They want to succeed; they want to make a contribution just like you. How can we all help them along?
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Click on the player to hear an audio version of this piece Accepting DifferenceSaturday Mar 13, 2010
Abundance Stress Feb 7
Saturday Mar 13, 2010
Saturday Mar 13, 2010
This is the complete episode from February 7th.
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SHAKESPEARE'S SONNETS
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Click on the player to hear an audio version of this piece StressSaturday Mar 13, 2010
Glorious Dreams
Saturday Mar 13, 2010
Saturday Mar 13, 2010
Glorious Dreams
Even in the most difficult of moments, there is growth. When we are struggling in the mighty struggle, the resistance builds us; the forces bend us, and if they do not break us, they make us stronger. Friedrich Nietzsche said it this way, “That which does not kill us makes us stronger.” As I stand here today to proclaim my thanks, I have survived. If you are listening today, you have also been tested in the fiery furnace of human existence and have not been found wanting. You have survived.
As we go forward thinking about what kind of future we can make for ourselves and our children, and their children’s children, I often think of the words of John Ruskin. He said, “When we build, let us think we build forever.” The past washes over us as waves of warning, and helps us understand that where we go from here is determined by what we do now, and how we plan for that future.
I reject the thesis of negativity, and banish those who would condemn us to a terrible future as irrelevant whirlwinds. Only those who have held those positive thoughts for a future of abundance and plenty have the means to make those things happen. Opposition is valuable, but it shouldn’t dominate our world view. Without an optimistic view of our future and our possibilities, there is little hope for either. As the last signers of the Declaration of Independence affixed their names to a dream of a better nations, Benjamin Franklin contemplated a painted sun on the back of a chair. He commented to that painters had found it difficult to distinguish a rising sun from a setting sun.
“I have,” said Mr. Franklin, “often … in the course of the Session, and the vicissitudes of my hopes and fears as to its issue, looked at that… without being able to tell whether it was rising or setting: But now at length I have the happiness to know that it is a rising and not a setting Sun.”
Those who would have us believe the way of life we enjoy today is ending are merely a distraction. Those who listen to those who would discourage us from innovation, exploration and discovery but urge us to dwell on their moaning platitudes about disaster will become less and less influential as the great history of the human race continues.
Think of the progress of mankind in the last thousands of years. From whining about the cold in a cave to becoming the master of fire, we marched across the world inhabiting uninviting places because we could control the elements, and assure a comfortable survival. Look at the first halting journeys across the vast ocean by those brave souls who craved another province to conquer. They were not stopped by storm, by fear, by cowardice or retreat.
They sailed forth bravely to cover this earth with the accomplishments of man, providing a place for sons and daughters to grow and prosper. When tyrants tried to dominate the earth, we rose up and defeated those who would limit us to their narrow view of the world. Growing and stretching across the face of the earth, we have expanded our view to the stars and ventured to our nearest neighbor, to other planets; to the depths of our planet and to circle the earth from above. We have sent our machines exploring the far reaches of our solar system, and cast our thoughts to the edges of the universe seeking the secrets to this creation, so that we might create a better day for all of us tomorrow.
We have plumbed the depths of the human psyche, sought answers to disease, and plowed fertile ground with our minds to find more ways to end the suffering we see around us. With this vast panorama of accomplishment behind us, who can listen to the whining voices of the few who doubt our abilities, our potential, or our aptitude? We can right what is wrong, help those who need our help, enlarge the scope of our successes without worrying if we will accomplish it. All that is necessary is for us to ask ourselves how we can reach those lofty goals, and solutions will begin to form as the amazing potentiality of human endeavor looks for a way.
Point your mind to a miraculous future, and consider those obstacles you would like to see us overcome. Begin to deliberate about what you can do, what you can help others to do, and how your ideas and plans can bring to pass the kind of world you envision. As your magnificent brain begins to contemplate the possible, we will be able to leave the word impossible in the past where it belongs.
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Click on the player to hear an audio version of this piece Glorious DreamsSaturday Mar 13, 2010
Strength Through Stress
Saturday Mar 13, 2010
Saturday Mar 13, 2010
Strength through Stress
It amazes me when I watch the superhuman feats of strength people exhibit in weightlifting, in gymnastics, even long distance running. The human body is designed to take the stress we give it and respond in a way that strengthens us to be able to lift, twist and run.
Stress isn’t always a bad thing. Without the ability to resist gravity, we can’t walk. Our muscles are designed to make us a working machine which can function in this world. As we age, some of the vicissitudes of life take their toll on us. Our bones weaken, our muscles atrophy, even our minds become less sharp. But some of us take these variables in stride, and some people are even stronger in the older years, sharper and more mental astute as they age. What makes the difference?
Some of us are able to endure the stresses of life better than others. But where does the strength come from to overcome some things which disable others, limiting them to a less functional life?
As we rise to meet the difficulties we face, we become stronger through the stress and strain. When I consider some of the life situations people survive and continue to function in this world, it amazes me how durable people really are. Some overcome crushing poverty; others survive abuse at the hands of parents, siblings or strangers. Some have debilitating diseases or have endured disfiguring accidents. The resilience of the human spirit continues to amaze me.
A good example of what amazes me is Stephen Hawking. I have read some of his work, and have difficulty even understanding some of his ideas. Yet here is a man with amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, or ALS, which has progressively taken away his ability to walk and to talk. But he continues to work, think and contribute. His attitude is amazing, and for him to say things like “Life would be tragic if it weren’t funny” humbles me for worrying about my problems. He has an amazing sense of humor, and this may be one of the things which has helped him survive a disease which was originally predicted to kill him in three years. He has survived longer than almost anyone else who has ever had this affliction. But he is considered one of the greatest thinkers in human history.
Our greatest strengths may be those things others consider a weakness. As we survive “the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune”, we may be becoming stronger than we ever know. Just as Hamlet struggled with his decision to confront his uncle about murdering Hamlet’s father, we might have to go through some dark times to emerge into the clarity of light.
Perhaps we are born to struggle against the stream. without the opposition we face, how can we ever know our true strength? Some of you have confronted what others may call a breaking point, thinking there is no way to survive through this day, this hour, this minute. But when we emerge on the other side, we are stronger for surviving what others could not or would not face.
Victor Frankl is another example of overcoming incredible difficulty to perceive an amazing truth. After spending years in a German concentration camp, he emerged with a truth which helped him survive.
“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing; the last of the human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.”
Attitude really is all we have as a weapon against the tempests of life. With the right attitude, we can overcome any obstacle. Today may be the day to decide what weakness we will turn into our strength. Is it a physical goal? An emotional triumph? A contribution to benefit our family? Our community? The world?
Only you know what this accomplishment will be, and how it will be accomplished. You know that thing you’ve been considering. It’s been nagging at you, always present in the back of your mind, sometimes crowding forward to try to get you to take some kind of action.
Now is the time to work on our weakness and turn it into a strength. What is it you want to do that you aren’t doing now? Is there something you are especially good at which needs to be shared with others? What do you need to learn that you don’t know now? Are there others who could use your unique talents or leadership? Are you using your talents to make this world a better place? Are there bridges you need to build between cultures or ideas? As your weaknesses turn to strengths, we will all benefit from the work you will do. I can’t wait to see what we can accomplish together.
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Click on the player to hear an audio version of this piece Strength Through StressSaturday Mar 13, 2010
A Technical Error by O'Henry / William Sydney Porter
Saturday Mar 13, 2010
Saturday Mar 13, 2010
A Technical Error
by O Henry
I never cared especially for feuds, believing them to be even more overrated products of our country than grapefruit, scrapple, or honeymoons. Nevertheless, if I may be allowed, I will tell you of an Indian Territory feud of which I was press-agent, camp-follower, and inaccessory during the fact.
I was on a visit to Sam Durkee's ranch, where I had a great time falling off unmanicured ponies and waving my bare hand at the lower jaws of wolves about two miles away. Sam was a hardened person of about twenty- five, with a reputation for going home in the dark with perfect equanimity, though often with reluctance.
Over in the Creek Nation was a family bearing the name of Tatum. I was told that the Durkees and Tatums had been feuding for years. Several of each family had bitten the grass, and it was expected that more Nebuchadnezzars would follow. A younger generation of each family was growing up, and the grass was keeping pace with them. But I gathered that they had fought fairly; that they had not lain in cornfields and aimed at the division of their enemies' suspenders in the back -- partly, perhaps, because there were no cornfields, and nobody wore more than one suspender. Nor had any woman or child of either house ever been harmed. In those days -- and you will find it so yet -- their women were safe.
Sam Durkee had a girl. (If it were an all-fiction magazine that I expect to sell this story to, I should say, "Mr. Durkee rejoiced in a fiancée.") Her name was Ella Baynes. They appeared to be devoted to each other, and to have perfect confidence in each other, as all couples do who are and have or aren't and haven't. She was tolerably pretty, with a heavy mass of brown hair that helped her along. He introduced me to her, which seemed not to lessen her preference for him; so I reasoned that they were surely soul-mates.
Miss Baynes lived in Kingfisher, twenty miles from the ranch. Sam lived on a gallop between the two places.
One day there came to Kingfisher a courageous young man, rather small, with smooth face and regular features. He made many inquiries about the business of the town, and especially of the inhabitants cognominally. He said he was from Muscogee, and he looked it, with his yellow shoes and crocheted four-in-hand. I met him once when I rode in for the mail. He said his name was Beverly Travers, which seemed rather improbable.
There were active times on the ranch, just then, and Sam was too busy to go to town often. As an incompetent and generally worthless guest, it devolved upon me to ride in for little things such as post cards, barrels of flour, baking-powder, smoking-tobacco, and -- letters from Ella.
One day, when I was messenger for half a gross of cigarette papers and a couple of wagon tires, I saw the alleged Beverly Travers in a yellow-wheeled buggy with Ella Baynes, driving about town as ostentatiously as the black, waxy mud would permit. I knew that this information would bring no balm of Gilead to Sam's soul, so I refrained from including it in the news of the city that I retailed on my return. But on the next afternoon an elongated ex-cowboy of the name of Simmons, an oldtime pal of Sam's, who kept a feed store in Kingfisher, rode out to the ranch and rolled and burned many cigarettes before he would talk. When he did make oration, his words were these:
"Say, Sam, there's been a description of a galoot miscallin' himself Bevel-edged Travels impairing the atmospheric air of Kingfisher for the past two weeks. You know who he was? He was not otherwise than Ben Tatum, from the Creek Nation, son of old Gopher Tatum that your Uncle Newt shot last February. You know what he done this morning? He killed your brother Lester -- shot him in the co't-house yard."
I wondered if Sam had heard. He pulled a twig from a mesquite bush, chewed it gravely, and said:
"He did, did he? He killed Lester?"
"The same," said Simmons. "And he did more. He run away with your girl, the same as to say Miss Ella Baynes. I thought you might like to know, so I rode out to impart the information."
"I am much obliged, Jim," said Sam, taking the chewed twig from his mouth. "Yes, I'm glad you rode Out. Yes, I'm right glad."
"Well, I'll be ridin' back, I reckon. That boy I left in the feed store don't know hay from oats. He shot Lester in the back."
"Shot him in the back?"
"Yes, while he was hitchin' his hoss."
"I'm much obliged, Jim."
"I kind of thought you'd like to know as soon as you could."
"Come in and have some coffee before you ride back, Jim?"
"Why, no, I reckon not; I must get back to the store."
"And you say -- "
"Yes, Sam. Everybody seen 'em drive away together in a buckboard, with a big bundle, like clothes, tied up in the back of it. He was drivin' the team he brought over with him from Muscogee. They'll be hard to overtake right away."
"And which -- "
"I was goin' on to tell you. They left on the Guthrie road; but there's no tellin' which forks they'll take -- you know that."
"All right, Jim; much obliged."
"You're welcome, Sam."
Simmons rolled a cigarette and stabbed his pony with both heels. Twenty yards away he reined up and called back:
"You don't want no -- assistance, as you might say?"
"Not any, thanks."
"I didn't think you would. Well, so long!"
Sam took out and opened a bone-handled pocket-knife and scraped a dried piece of mud from his left boot. I thought at first he was going to swear a vendetta on the blade of it, or recite "The Gipsy's Curse." The few feuds I had ever seen or read about usually opened that way. This one seemed to be presented with a new treatment. Thus offered on the stage, it would have been hissed off, and one of Belasco's thrilling melodramas demanded instead.
"I wonder," said Sam, with a profoundly thoughtful expression, "if the cook has any cold beans left over!"
He called Wash, the Negro cook, and finding that he had some, ordered him to heat up the pot and make some strong coffee. Then we went into Sam's private room, where he slept, and kept his armoury, dogs, and the saddles of his favourite mounts. He took three or four six-shooters out of a bookcase and began to look them over, whistling "The Cowboy's Lament" abstractedly. Afterward he ordered the two best horses on the ranch saddled and tied to the hitching-post.
Now, in the feud business, in all sections of the country, I have observed that in one particular there is a delicate but strict etiquette belonging. You must not mention the word or refer to the subject in the presence of a feudist. It would be more reprehensible than commenting upon the mole on the chin of your rich aunt. I found, later on, that there is another unwritten rule, but I think that belongs solely to the West.
It yet lacked two hours to supper-time; but in twenty minutes Sam and I were plunging deep into the reheated beans, hot coffee, and cold beef.
Nothing like a good meal before a long ride," said Sam. "Eat hearty."
I had a sudden suspicion.
"Why did you have two horses saddled?" I asked.
"One, two -- one, two," said Sam. "You can count, can't you?"
His mathematics carried with it a momentary qualm and a lesson. The thought had not occurred to him that the thought could possibly occur to me not to ride at his side on that red road to revenge and justice. It was the higher calculus. I was booked for the trail. I began to eat more beans.
In an hour we set forth at a steady gallop eastward. Our horses were Kentucky-bred, strengthened by the mesquite grass of the west. Ben Tatum's steeds may have been swifter, and he had a good lead; but if he had heard the punctual thuds of the hoofs of those trailers of ours, born in the heart of feudland, he might have felt that retribution was creeping up on the hoof-prints of his dapper nags.
I knew that Ben Tatum's card to play was flight -- flight until he came within the safer territory of his own henchmen and supporters. He knew that the man pursuing him would follow the trail to any end where it might lead.
During the ride Sam talked of the prospect for rain, of the price of beef, and of the musical glasses. You would have thought he had never had a brother or a sweetheart or an enemy on earth. There are some subjects too big even for the words in the "Unabridged." Knowing this phase of the feud code, but not having practised it sufficiently, I overdid the thing by telling some slightly funny anecdotes. Sam laughed at exactly the right place -- laughed with his mouth. When I caught sight of his mouth, I wished I had been blessed with enough sense of humour to have suppressed those anecdotes.
Our first sight of them we had in Guthrie. Tired and hungry, we stumbled, unwashed, into a little yellow-pine hotel and sat at a table. In the opposite corner we saw the fugitives. They were bent upon their meal, but looked around at times uneasily.
The girl was dressed in brown - one of these smooth, half-shiny, silky-looking affairs with lace collar and cuffs, and what I believe they call an accordion-plaited skirt. She wore a thick brown veil down to her nose, and a broad-brimmed straw hat with some kind of feathers adorning it. The man wore plain, dark clothes, and his hair was trimmed very short. He was such a man as you might see anywhere.
There they were -- the murderer and the woman he had stolen. There we were -- the rightful avenger, according to the code, and the supernumerary who writes these words.
For one time, at least, in the heart of the supernumerary there rose the killing instinct. For one moment he joined the force of combatants -- orally.
"What are you waiting for, Sam?" I said in a whisper. "Let him have it now!"
Sam gave a melancholy sigh.
"You don't understand; but he does," he said. "He knows. Mr. Tenderfoot, there's a rule out here among white men in the Nation that you can't shoot a man when he's with a woman. I never knew it to be broke yet. You can't do it. You've got to get him in a gang of men or by himself. That's why. He knows it, too. We all know. So, that's Mr. Ben Tatum! One of the 'pretty men'! I'll cut him out of the herd before they leave the hotel, and regulate his account!"
After supper the flying pair disappeared quickly. Although Sam haunted lobby and stairway and halls half the night, in some mysterious way the fugitives eluded him; and in the morning the veiled lady in the brown dress with the accordion-plaited skirt and the dapper young man with the close-clipped hair, and the buckboard with the prancing nags, were gone.
It is a monotonous story, that of the ride; so it shall be curtailed. Once again we overtook them on a road. We were about fifty yards behind. They turned in the buckboard and looked at us; then drove on without whipping up their horses. Their safety no longer lay in speed. Ben Tatum knew. He knew that the only rock of safety left to him was the code. There is no doubt that, had he been alone, the matter would have been settled quickly with Sam Durkee in the usual way; but he had something at his side that kept still the trigger-finger of both. It seemed likely that he was no coward.
So, you may perceive that woman, on occasions, may postpone instead of precipitating conflict between man and man. But not willingly or consciously. She is oblivious of codes.
Five miles farther, we came upon the future great Western city of Chandler. The horses of pursuers and pursued were starved and weary. There was one hotel that offered danger to man and entertainment to beast; so the four of us met again in the dining room at the ringing of a bell so resonant and large that it had cracked the welkin long ago. The dining room was not as large as the one at Guthrie.
Just as we were eating apple pie -- how Ben Davises and tragedy impinge upon each other! -- I noticed Sam looking with keen intentness at our quarry where they were seated at a table across the room. The girl still wore the brown dress with lace collar and cuffs, and the veil drawn down to her nose. The man bent over his plate, with his close cropped head held low.
"There's a code," I heard Sam say, either to me or to himself, "that won't let you shoot a man in the company of a woman; but, by thunder, there ain't one to keep you from killing a woman in the company of a man!"
And, quicker than my mind could follow his argument, he whipped a Colt's automatic from under his left arm and pumped six bullets into the body that the brown dress covered -- the brown dress with the lace collar and cuffs and the accordion-plaited skirt.
The young person in the dark sack suit, from whose head and from whose life a woman's glory had been clipped, laid her head on her arms stretched upon the table; while people came running to raise Ben Tatum from the floor in his feminine masquerade that had given Sam the opportunity to set aside, technically, the obligations of the code.
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Click on the player to hear an audio version of this piece A Technical ErrorFriday Mar 12, 2010
Stress Dance
Friday Mar 12, 2010
Friday Mar 12, 2010
Stress Dance
When my wife had cancer, it was a very stressful time for her. As a family we tried to do what we could to help. Concerned neighbors delivered food, and we learned to deal with the stress. One of the ways she coped was to have a theme song. I think it really helped.
If you are familiar with the song “Ain’t Nothin’ Gonna Break My Stride” by Matthew Wilder, there is a verse which says:
Ain't nothing gonna break my stride
Nobody's gonna slow me down
Oh no, I've got to keep on moving
Ain't nothing gonna break my stride
I'm running and I won't touch ground
Oh no, I've got to keep on moving
She really doesn’t listen to the song anymore, but she listened to it constantly while she was getting treated. There really is a strong survival message in the song, but the rest of the lyrics aren’t really about surviving. But for her it really worked. Along with the chemotherapy, transfusions, morphine and lots of love cured her and now it’s been 15 years since the diagnosis.
Music really does have an important part in keeping us healthy, and if you are dealing with stress in your life every day – and who isn’t – music can be an important tool in relieving some of that stress. Studies have shown many benefits from listening to music. From giving us a more positive state of mind to keeping depression and anxiety at bay, it also can help prevent stress from damaging our bodies. It can also help produce higher levels of creativity and optimism.
Listening to music you like can have other benefits, like lowering blood pressure, boosting your immunity, easing your muscle tension which can all reduce the risk of stroke and other health problems. My wife is convinced it helped her overcome cancer.
Music with a strong beat can stimulate brain waves and can sharpen concentration and thinking. If the music has a slower beat, it can promote a more calm and meditative state. Even after you have finished listening to music, there are changes in your brainwave activities which continue.
When plants were subjected to many different kinds of music, they seemed to prefer sitar and baroque music, but withered and died when exposed to Led Zeppelin music. If you aren’t familiar with Led Zeppelin, it’s a heavy metal group from the seventies. I like their music, but I can see how plants might die if it was played 24-7.
I like what Heinrich Heine said about music: “When words leave off, music begins.” Maybe what we need is not more talk, but more music. I think it even helps when we are lonely. Robert Browning said, “Who hears music feels his solitude peopled at once.” When I hear certain pieces of music, memories about my past are often conjured up as if by magic. Friedrich Nietzsche said it this way: “Without music, life would be a mistake.”
Perhaps George Eliot said it best. “I think I should have no other mortal wants, if I could always have plenty of music. It seems to infuse strength into my limbs and ideas into my brain. Life seems to go on without effort, when I am filled with music.”
Music does calm the savage beast, and if we listen to the music we like, we can relieve some of the stresses we all experience. It does explain the continued popularity of the oldies and the oldies stations. When I need a break, I like to listen to music from the seventies and eighties, but modern music is also good. You may like classical or country western, but whatever the kind that appeals to you, try listening to some music next time you are stressed.
Remember, not only can it relieve stress; music can manage pain, improve your mood and mobility, reduce the need for pain relievers and other benefits.
Think about your favorite music, and you may already be feeling the stress melt away. As T.S. Eliot said, “You are the music while the music lasts.” We are dancing through life to the music we create, and when all is said and done, music may be the way we all communicate. If you remember the film “Close Encounters of the Third Kind”, the aliens and humans bridged the communication gap with musical notes which you can probably still recreate. But what can we do about today? Laurie Anderson once said this, “Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.” I may not be able to explain how much can change us, but now would be a good opportunity to remember some of your favorite music. Bob Marley summarized it for all of us. “One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain."
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Click on the player to hear an audio version of this piece Stress DanceTuesday Mar 09, 2010
Jumping Jester
Tuesday Mar 09, 2010
Tuesday Mar 09, 2010
Jumping Jester
I was being paid to be a jester. Tupperware had booked the campus, and as a starving student, twenty-five dollars for dancing from one part of campus to another while dressed as a jester seemed like easy money. Wrong.
This is back when 25 dollars could buy a couple tanks of gas; not just one. It could be a week’s worth of food, and as I put on the jester costume, I could feel my wallet getting fatter. As I danced across a table, I thought to myself I only had to hop, skip and jump for about half a mile. I walked this same sidewalk four times a day, every day for a year. It was a piece of cake.
As I jumped off the table, my foot turned slightly sideways and I landed on the side bones of my little toe on my right foot. All my weight snapped the bones and I collapsed into a heap. But then I jumped back up and started to hop on my left foot. The conventioneers thought I was hilarious. I knew if I complained my foot was broken, I wouldn’t get the money for the part. I needed that money.
So I limped, jumped and cavorted along about half-a-mile so I could get paid. The doctor put me in a cast and I had to quit my job as the corn poker at the Del Monte plant. The insurance screwed up the billing and I got a ding on my credit rating from it, and I started working at another gas station.
It made me stressed. Stress is something we can’t avoid. How we deal with stress can determine how healthy we are, how long we live, how well we live. Stress is an everyday occurrence and there is no way to escape most of the stress we will encounter.
It may sound selfish, but unless you make some time for yourself, you may not have a self for very long. Dealing with stress by drinking, smoking, or using drugs or food to cope will only make the stresses worse. Learning to relax and doing things you enjoy may be the two best things you can do for yourself.
Things I find relaxing might not make your list. I can lose myself in the yard for hours at a time, and it is some of the most relaxing time I spend all summer. There are no deadlines in the yard, even though you may have a limited time to do the work. The weeding is done when the weeding is done, and it may not get done today, but it will get done. When you are planting with the hopes of a future harvest, the time it takes to get them all planted and ready to grow really isn’t important. The important thing is that they are planted well.
I even like to relax by jogging. There really is something about plodding along looking at the scenery, and doing something nice for myself at the same time. It turns out exercise is also another good way to deal with stress. Even just a stroll around the block to give yourself a break can break the back of stress.
In fact, one of the best ways to deal with stress is to do those things you like. Doing something for yourself, for even as little as 15 minutes a day can dissolve the stress that kills us unless we do something. Maybe you like bubble baths, talking to old friends, completing a crossword puzzle or listening to your favorite music. Whatever it is you have been neglecting to do because you have been too busy to sit down and enjoy yourself, you need to indulge.
Get a massage, meditate, take a yoga class, deep breathe, read a book, or just taking a few minutes for yourself to simply sit and relax. Pretend your doctor has written a prescription for you to relax in your favorite way every day. Set aside those 15 minutes for yourself, and don’t neglect the most important things you can do each day – take care of yourself.
It may not be your style to dance around campus in a jester costume, but if this is the way you relieve your stress, go for it. Just be careful when you jump off that table to make a firm landing. Otherwise you’ll get the chance to walk around in a cast, run after birthday presents, break the cast, and get another one. But that’s another story. Oh, and that’s another way to relieve stress. Find something, or someone you can laugh at. When we can laugh at our problems, or even the problems of someone stupid enough to hop across campus on a broken foot. It’s good against stress.
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Click on the player to hear an audio version of this piece Jumping JesterSaturday Mar 06, 2010
Differently Similar
Saturday Mar 06, 2010
Saturday Mar 06, 2010
Differently Similar
I like a world where there are differences, and the incongruity fascinates me. I see a couple walking down the street; one person is glamorous and beautiful, the other a slob. I still don’t know what my wife sees in me, but judging by the other strange pairings I usually see out and about in public, some people have strange standards of what is beautiful and what is ugly.
For us ugly people, it’s really nice there is some tolerance in the world for the unattractive, but the attraction of opposites doesn’t stop there. Every day you can hear warning voices of doom and gloom, and then there’s the opposite side like me who think everything is great with the world. I wonder about a world where there are people who love to work and work really, really hard. Then there’s me, who prefers to laze about every chance I get. I have to schedule myself pretty tightly or I really don’t get much done, and the regular schedule seems to others to be one of busyness, but really it’s just me trying to keep myself busy.
It makes me sad to see those who go through life unhappy, when there is so much to be happy about in the world. I know there are problems in the world, and the tragedies make me sad, but I don’t have to be this way all the time. There are problems everyone deals with everyday, and yet they seem to find a way to cope. Life is more than sobs and sniffles, but there are times for that, too.
Passion and apathy seem to be polar opposites, too. I’m really amazed at the passion which people have for their hobbies; spending hours and hours doing things others might consider insanity. I’m not prepared here to criticize the interests of others, because I have some hobbies others think are insanity. From windsurfing, skiing and collecting rocks to gardening and selling little trees on EBay, most people just shake their heads and walk away slowly. But what surprises me more is how much apathy fills the world, where it seems many people just don’t care about what is happening anywhere but here. It’s sad to see how self-absorbed some of us have become. If it doesn’t have to do with us or our family, or maybe those we know, then most of us don’t really care enough to be interested. Can our world expand beyond our living rooms and the television? Do we care enough about our neighborhoods and cities to actually leave the house and do something which doesn’t directly benefit us? Something which might make this world a better place?
What is really interesting about finding out what difference you are here to make is, it changes your perspective. The world becomes a place of possibilities instead of problems; a place where scarcity is replaced plenty; a place where we can love others as ourselves, because we get outside ourselves.
What is it you are here to do? I can’t answer that, but I do know you are here to do something no one else can do. That’s why you are here. You make a difference, and no one but you can determine what that difference is going to be. Perhaps you will be the one to lead us to a happier place where we can all finally get along. This reminds me of what Jonathan Swift said almost 400 years ago. “We have just enough religion to make us hate, but not enough to make us love one another.” Does another 400 years have to pass before we realize we are more alike than we are different?
When I think of all of the time we have wasted persecuting those we hate? Think about the energy it takes to keep all of the enemies in the world hating each other. Let’s think of a way to harness all that time and energy to unite us in purpose and direction. I’m doing my best to try to get us all to be a little more positive; what is it you can do this week to bring about more unity?
Here’s the weekly assignment. Smile instead of frowning when you get cut off in traffic. Wave your whole hand instead of one finger, unless you’re telling me I’m number one. Stop to think about what others may have had to endure this day before you snap at them because you’ve had a bad day. Cheer up someone else by saying “Thank you”. Don’t forget to tell those you care most about how important they are in your life. This whole process starts with us, today, right now. I’m glad we’re all different. It’s why we’re here. Now go out and get busy.
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Click on the player to hear an audio version of this piece Differently SimilarSaturday Mar 06, 2010
Emotional Rollercoaster
Saturday Mar 06, 2010
Saturday Mar 06, 2010
Emotional Rollercoaster
Emotions are a necessary part of being human. Sometimes we get to experience the emotional rollercoaster of life and wonder after the jolts and jars if it is all worth it. I’m here today to tell you I am grateful for the emotional ride I’ve been able to survive during my lifetime, and I’m sure there are many more ups and downs yet to come in my future. The good news is the ride seems to be leveling out a bit, and the ups and downs aren’t so scary anymore.
It seems the biggest upheaval we get in our early life is our experiences with first love. The incredible highs combined with the desperate lows are a good preparation for the shakes and shimmies yet to come in later life. The girl I was passionately in love with in junior high continued to be the flame of my teenage years, and whenever I saw her after we broke up my heart with flutter and skip. Even when I would go to the mall and see her working at Orange Julius; be still my heart. And this was after she had a new boyfriend and wasn’t even available.
Perhaps you have had a similar experience, and still carry a secret flame for someone in your past. It seems we are always hearing about some octogenarians finding their true love from high school and getting back together. It is interesting that those images from so long ago can continue to circulate in our brains.
Children bring up an entirely new set of emotions. When they are young, they help us remember how fast emotions can change. From happy to snarling, to whining, to crying; which can all happen in moments. They are packages of extreme emotions, and as we learn to regulate our own emotions in response to their outbursts, our emotional rollercoaster doesn’t really slow down. It just seems to moderate.
Lifelong partners can teach us much about emotion, and as they go through their ups and downs, we get to help them cope with the changes. They also get to help us as we go through all of our own problems, and we may even get to experience some of these emotions together. But at one point or another, one of us leaves this life first. This emotional ride can break some of us.
We have the same struggle when our parents are gone. Where once a strong support and encouragement we could depend on was just a phone call away, now an empty space remains with only memories to sustain us.
It is a strange incongruity that the highs and lows make up most of the memories of our lives. The regular days blend together and the routine gets lost in the continued sameness, but the emotional rollercoaster we call life shows us just how good and how bad life can be. It reminds us we are alive.
It’s like George Santayana once said. “There is no cure for birth or death save to enjoy the interval.” Can we enjoy the ups and endure the downs? We only get one pass, and 31 millions seconds per year is all anyone gets. As we spend our seconds, we get a chance to help others as they negotiate their own rollercoaster. Our own experiences may be the guide someone else needs, so that they too can understand, “This too shall pass.” This phrase is based on the Old Testament story tells of King Solomon requesting his minister to find the ring which makes a happy man sad and a sad man happy. After searching, a merchant engraved a ring for the minister, which he gave to Solomon. As King Solomon received the ring, which he supposed did not exist, he became very somber. The phrase, “This too shall pass” made Solomon realize the reality of this fleeting moment of happiness, and of the passing of the sad moment. Abraham Lincoln said this of the moral of the story. “How much it expresses! How chastening in the hour of pride! How consoling in the depths of affliction!”
So this week as you experience the ups and downs we all have to endure, remember what thrills you sought as you boarded this emotional rollercoaster. And remember, the ride must someday end, so enjoy the ride while it lasts. Ups and downs, sadness and happiness; just remember how lucky we are to be here sharing this incredible universe. The fact it exists, that we exist, that we can help each other along on this wonderful journey called life is such a miracle in itself. Just don’t forget the miraculous as you travel the mundane. Watch for those special moments which tell us we are really here for a reason. Enjoy the ride.
LITERATURE OUT LOUD
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