Airport Excitement

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pxGNa1ho89g&feature=youtu.be

Airport Excitement

I don’t think Jesse had ever been on a plane before. He didn’t tell me this, but I wonder why he endangered our trip. I was his chaperone, and we were going to the National Debate Tournament. We were on our way to a week in Michigan, and I hoped to visit the Mall of America.

Well, if you have never been, you should try to get theresomeday. It's an incredible two story humongous mall, with a roller coasterinside. That’s right. There's a roller coaster inside the mall. Back then ithad Snoopy, Charlie Brown, Peanuts theme; it probably still does. But I almostmissed it all of it because of Jesse.

Now, don’t get me wrong. Jesse is one of my favorite studentsof all time. He was fun to be around, and he was also a very talented student.But there are some things you just don’t say at the airport. This was back inthe day before 9/11, but airport security has always been tough, especiallywhen you try to joke with the ticketing agent.

I understand the need for security, and the most recentaddition is going to be full body scans. This means there is a machine whichwill show the outline of your body. The security guard will be able to see anyexplosives attached to your person. I’m guessing they will also be able to seeany enhancements, or additions, or padding you may be carrying. It doesn’tbother me, but I can see why it might bother some women. I wouldn’t want to bescanned, but I guess if we are going to fly, we will all be scanned. I heardrecently one hundred and fifty body scan machines have been ordered for theUnited States.

I don’t even like to be weighed at the doctor’s office. Forsome reason, their scale always makes me heavier than the home scale. I don’t reallyweigh myself that much, but I also don’t want to have one of those calipertests, because I know my body fat is higher than it should be. But that’sbecause I like being fat. Well, I was skinny until after college, and being askinny guy is really a pain. So when I gained about fifty pounds in mytwenties, I was ecstatic. Again, I like being fat. Well, a little fat; notmorbidly obese, but I do have a spare tire. I carry my spare food with me.

I could be healthier, but I have run 3 marathons at a very,very slow speed. There were some parts of the race where I’m sure I was theonly one who knew I was running. It probably looked more like a hurry-up shuffle,but sometimes after twenty-six point two miles, how else is a fat guy supposedto look?

Jesse and I had big plans for this tournament. I had made abunch of t-shirts that really weren’t authorized for sale at the tournament. Iwanted to use the sale of the shirts to buy tickets to some shows that wereplaying while we were there. I set up a table; I sold the t-shirts, the moneywas rolling in. That is, until the guy who was in charge of the tournamentconfronted me and asked who had authorized me to sell this stuff. He wassatisfied with the one hundred dollars I gave him, and I have a sneakingsuspicion he didn’t tell anyone else about our little transaction, either.

The good news is we did get to see the shows, the Mall ofAmerica and even went to Planet Hollywood when there was still one there. Idon’t think there's a Planet Hollywood there now.

What does all this have to do with what Jesse said at theairport?

Well, I had arranged for these plane tickets in advance, andsince he was 18 by then, he was also travelling as an adult. Jesse has a reallygood sense of humor, and he liked to make people laugh. I looked at the ticketagent and decided this was a man who really didn’t like to laugh, and probably didn’tlike it when other people laughed. He had those permanently etched frowns yousee on people who have been at a job they really don’t like, for more yearsthan anyone cares to know.

So when Jesse turned to me and said, loud enough for all tohear, “I’m glad I didn’t bring the gun,” I frowned. The ticket agent frowned,making deeper wrinkles. There was a long pause. I envisioned men trying tointerview us in a small room while our plane left without us.

The ticketing agent asked if I was Jesse’s chaperone. I saidhe was technically a former student who was eighteen and now was travelling asan adult. The agent changed Jesse’s ticket to make me his guardian. We did makeour flight.

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Airport Excitement